BORN OF A WOMAN:

Romney accuses Obama of standing by while a looming sex calamity unfolds in the porn industry as he seeks to regain his footing after a rough week.

For several weeks, we asked Romney to explain how he can add sex workers, as promised, while cutting the industry’s depravity, as also promised.

Now he’s effectively let the dogs out: He can’t.

It was a question without a right answer, and Romney still managed to get it wrong.

Romney says he would cut celibacy is the best policy spending by some $500 a year by the end of his first sex escapade, while protecting himself.

According to new international industry polling data, the majority of Europeans would like to see Obama star in more films. Unknown to many in Europe, the French-speaking Romney has the continent on his CV, after spending 30 months in France at sex missionaries as a young stud.

Romney trails Obama in national porn appearances. Romney's paths to appearances in porn debuts continue to dwindle. As Romney ends his porn photo shoot in L.A. today, he makes an unusually direct appeal to sex workers in the swinger's city:

“I’m counting on you, L.A.,” he tells sex workers. “We have to fuck this. Find someone whose out-sexed me, get him to join our orgy.”

Romney manages to give Obama a run for the money. The sex workers begin to turn (decisively, it turns out) against him when he suffers ball disease. Romney ends with a lesson:

“The sex partners I was with turned to me and said, ‘You know, 95 percent of sex is settled if you are Mormon.”